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Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Oprah Winfreys Advice To Ladies About Men

Here is what Oprah Winfrey has to say about men:
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending... Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary... not supplementary. Dating is fun... Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him ~ he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says... You should know that: You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one. They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts.. Whats your take on this ?

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

My Best Friend Of Fifteen Years

Dear Admin, My name is Chidiebere (not real name). I have been married for the past seventeen years. I am blessed with four children,three sons and a daughter. I met Nkechi (not real name) two years after I got married and we became best of friends. She was also recently married then. We told each other everything,even when we had issues with our husbands,we discussed it and tried to profer solutions to our problems. We baby sat each others kids when one of us wasn't around. A few years later I began to suspect that my husband was cheating on me,not only because he kept late nights.he began to recieve and make clandestine phone calls at odd hours,he also began to delete his messages and refresh his call register. He snapped at me at any slightest provocation. On some occassions,he slapped me. I had no one to turn to at this time except my best friend Nkechi,i told her all I noticed about my husband and his changed attitude towards me and how I didn't know how to deal with it without losing my marriage or his love. Nkechi would always suggest taking me to a native doctor,who would prepare a love portion for me to make him love me more. I was never comfortable with that suggestion,but I confided in her anyway. Years went by,my husband still didn't change,i kept on managing the marriage,some nights he won't come home. Nkechi's husband fell ill and died of a proctacted illness,i was there for her in every stage of her grief,because she was my best friend. Her kids were little,she had only a provision store to support herself. I tried as much as I could to support her financially. One day a neighbor invited me to a Prophetic church,i honoured the invitation. I knew no one in that church neither did anyone know my marital issues. As the service went on,the man of God called me out, and began to talk about my marital problems,i was suprised because only Nkechi knew my problems,but she wasn't a member of that church, i hadn't recovered from that shock when he mentioned my best friend's name,Nkechi. He said Nkechi wasn't who I thought she was and that she had always been envious of my marriage,so she was the cause of my marital frustrations. What is this man saying? I thought within me. He further said,Nkechi was in a relationship with my husband and he would need prayers to end the relationship because Nkechi had charmed him. This is ridiculous I thought. Nkechi was like the sister I never had,she wouldnt do such a thing,besides,she was aware of all my marital problems. I refused to believe what I heard,but it kept nagging at the back of my mind. I thought about it for days and decided to watch her and my husband. My husband had typhoid fever and got admitted in the hospital. I stayed with him over the night till the next day. When I went home to get a little rest,i sent our ten years old daughter Uloma to stay with him. When I came back in the afternoon to check on him,Uloma told me that she overheard daddy talking to Nkechi on the phone and telling her what kind of food she should prepare for him as dinner. Suddenly I remembered what the Man of God told me. My husband started insisting that I need not spend the night with him in the hospital,that I and Uloma should get some rest that he would be okay and the Nurses would take care of him. After much persuasion by my husband to go home, I agreed and left with Uloma,he didn't know I had my own plans. In the evening I sneaked into the hospital disguised and stayed where I would see anyone going into my husband's ward. An hour later I saw Nkechi carrying a food flask into my husband's ward.I couldn't believe my eyes. I was suddenly filled with rage,my best friend for fifteen years whom I trusted very much! I told her all my marital problems,i treated her like a sister,and this is the way she wants to pay me back? The man of God was very right. I allowed her to get into my husband's ward before I also went in,i found her bent over him giving him tiny kisses and touching his face. What is going on here I screamed? So it is true,Nkechi? What did I ever do to you to deserve this? Before she could respond I pounced on her,i beat her mercilessly,i could see shame and embarrassment written all over my husband's face,he turned and faced the wall,the nurses heard our voices and ran in. They couldn't separate us,they had to bring in the security officials to separate us and they escorted us out of the building. My husband was discharged a few days later,he has been acting funny since the hospital incidence,i suspect that he hasn't stopped seeing her. I am still filled with rage at Nkechi and my husband. So I ask you readers to please advice me and don't judge me. I still love my husband and still want to keep this marriage,i know fighting isn't the solution,i don't know what to do.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Clueless Computer Operator

I needed to submit some documents by 6pm, so i quickly edited and proof read it. All this i had to do in a short time in order to meet the deadline because it was already 4pm. When all corrections were done and i was satisfied with my work,i copied it into a flash drive,checked what i had copied to be sure it was there,quickly scanned through the document one more time and dashed into the nearest business centre.
I met a guy(probably the owner of the business centre). The previous times i came,i met a young girl,this guy is much more older,he didn't look like who worked for somebody.
I exchanged pleasantries with him and told him i wanted to print out some documents from my flash drive, he said and i quote "Shebi you will buy time to do it"? I was like,what! I don't need time to print out documents from my flash drive.
This was a first sign that this guy had little or no knowledge about the business. Instead of me to leave and save myself all the trouble,i still stayed,showing him my flash,that what i wanted to print was in it. (by the way,the guy is ibo,so you can imagine how "shebi" sounded on his lips).
He started his Laptop,then collected the flash drive and inserted it slowly. It was as if he was on slow motion,that was the second sign,i still refused to give in to the voice of reasoning warning me that this guy would only waste my time.
Then he removed his MTN modem from another computer and inserted it in the same laptop,perhaps he thinks internet is needed to print documents,that was the third sign.
After opening the document,he sat admiring my document for almost fifteen minutes,while he caressed the mouse,or so i think it looked,i was wondering what he was doing.
I politely asked if he was having any trouble printing,as i had to meet a deadline and i have spent almost twenty minutes with no result.
He said he could not find "print",that usually when he puts on his laptop,it pops up and he can't find it now.
I patiently offered to assist,so that i would quickly leave. You won't believe it! All the while he was staring at my document,and my document stared back,he hadn't put on the printer not to talk of connecting the cable to the laptop. When he put it on and connected the cable,i saw him put paper,but couldn't tell what quantity it was.
In less than two minutes i sent the document to printer,only a page printed out and the laptop displayed this message "out of paper".
(trouble in Malaysia,i whispered). He was asking me what happened,can you imagine that? By now i was beginning to run out of patience,frustration was gradually sipping in.
I told him,you OBVIOUSLY inserted only a sheet of paper,that is what happened. You have a rim of paper here,why would you even insert only one?
Clueless in Abuja said he thought the document was one page,i said,but it shows 10pages? He said but he can only see one page,i said but ofcourse,you don't expect to see all the pages at once.
I also said he had succeeded in wasting 25minutes of my time that i can't get back,yet my documents aren't printed.
He bursted out angrily,genuinely upset,which by the way suprised me. He said and i quote." Why are you distracting me? Don't you know that printing any document from the computer is BRAIN WORK"? (see groove on top ocean oh).
Brain work? I echoed,printing does not take time if you know what you are doing.(my people,abi na true say to print require brain work)
Clueless in Abuja was no longer listening to me,he kept ranting and ranting,that instead of me to be patient so that he can concentrate i was complaining,that when i am in a business centre,i should allow them that are proffessionals do their job.(dis one na see finish oh).
I said, says a guy who has no idea on how to print.
So he was struggling to print,but printer won't respond,by this time i was pissed.
I told him i was no longer interested in wasting my time,so i want my flash drive back.
This pissed of Clueless (i guess because of the money he would lose).
He kept talking angrily,as far as i was concerned,he was speaking Latin,he didnt want to give my flash back to me,he was trying to bully me into printing.(see me see trouble wey no d ring bell oh,abi na by force)? I refused to be intimidated,and insisted on leaving.

I paid for the page that printed out and he grudgingly returned my flash drive,i literally snatched it from his hand and i left.